Oscars
Oscars, also known as Academy Awards, are Hollywood's garish annual reach-around. They are awarded by movie industry shills in an attempt to promote Tinseltown's liberal Hate America Firster agenda. Despite what the media says, an Oscar is not as good as an Emmy. For proof consider that Stephen Colbert's brilliance has been recognised with an Emmy but not an Oscar. Meanwhile, traitorous commie Susan Sarandon has got an Oscar but not an Emmy. Nixo facto Oscars are inferior. Hosts Every years the Oscars are hosted by a pinko Hollywood insider. Previous hosts have included Ellen DeGeneres and Whoopi Goldberg. In keeping with this shameful theme the 2008 Oscars will be presented by Jon Stewart. Fashion The Oscars aren't just a chance for Hollywood to whore itself out again. It also provides an opportunity for the fashion industry to promote shamefully revealing dresses, and therefore corrupt the kids a little more. The guys all dress in fancy black suits. But the gals must adhere to much stricter rules. These include: * At least 85 percent of bare skin MUST be showing at all times. * Actresses with little cleavage MUST wear low-cut dresses. * Shoes must have heals at least 10 inches high. An notable exception to this rule is Katie Holmes. If she wore these shoes her hobbit husband would look even tinier next to her. Notably absent within these rules are requirements about gowns. In reality any patriotic American actress should either be strapless or not. Actresses with one-strap gowns need to get off the fence. We're at war! Recent Nominations On February 12, 2009, Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. predicted the winners of the 2009 Oscars using his patented prediction system, The DaColbert Code. And once again, he called it. 2009* Nominees (Winners are in bold) Best Picture * "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" * "Frost/Nixon" * "Milk" * "The Reader" * "Slumdog Millionaire" Best Actress * Anne Hathaway, "Rachel Getting Married" * Angelina Jolie, "Changeling" * Melissa Leo, "Frozen River" * Meryl Streep, "Doubt" * Kate Winslet, "The Reader" Best Actor * Frank Langella, "Frost/Nixon" * Sean Penn, "Milk" * Brad Pitt, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" * Mickey Rourke, "The Wrestler" * Richard Jenkins, "The Visitor" Best Supporting Actress * Amy Adams, "Doubt" * Penelope Cruz, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" * Viola Davis, "Doubt" * Taraji P. Henson, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" * Marisa Tomei, "The Wrestler" Best Supporting Actor * Josh Brolin, "Milk" * Robert Downey Jr., "Tropic Thunder" * Philip Seymour Hoffman, "Doubt" * Heath Ledger, "The Dark Knight" * Michael Shannon, "Revolutionary Road" Fractoids * Oscars are granted depending on how many lecherous fat producers an actor sleeps with. Nominations require at least four. Winning requires at least seven. * Oscars might be gold-plated, but they also all have brown noses * Predicting who and what is going to win an Oscar is easy; just imagine what would most appeal to a political correct Jew and you've got the winner. 2009 Nominees For a full list of the nominees for 2009, please click here External Tunes * Make Your Own Winner's Speech